005 - Blackwood & Polly; "Manliness is not a Fish that You Can Catch."

THAT NIGHT, BLACKWOOD SLEPT ON THE COUCH. AFTER READING THE LATEST "PARLIN AND DISTRICT TODAY," HE TURNED TO HIS DIARY.

Dear Diary,

Why, oh why, did I dub thee a diary? If any woman ever comes across this, she will sit me down and force me to iron and fold for the rest of my life, while she watches Aussie-rules football and smokes cigars! I should have known, men must not write diaries! Real men - reputable, popular, rich men- have journals or daily accountings or blogs or something. God, I am something else. It's no wonder that wannabe 80's rap stars work me into a jealous frenzy. I am entirely gnat-like relative to their manliness!

What it comes down to, mayhaps, is that I am, though I constantly attempt to obscure (or magnify?) this fact with sarcasm, very proud of my brain. I am very fond of what it is capable of, and how it often allows me (or, perhaps it only feels like it allows me) to transcend the normal everyday stereotype of life. But, as often as it makes me happy and content, this pride leads me also to a place that is saturated with contradiction and sorrow. For instance, it is doubtless that most (all?) other people feel the same way about themselves. Sure, it manifests itself in an infinite variety of ways - but if we didn't all believe we were (or could be) better than anyone else, why would we all be fighting so hard at life?

And in attempting to fully love another, the love for myself corrupts my actions and ambitions. Even if I don't see it or realize it, it must have influence on everything. Everything - even the things we are tempted to believe are most pure about ourselves - is selfishness.

As I strive to perfectly tune my drones, is it for love of music? Or is it really, somehow, simply the addiction of conquest?

And, does any of it matter?

And, if it does matter, what of it is good, and what of it is bad?

Or, is everything good and bad?

Ugh. Like I said - if Polly ever gets her hands on this, my life is over.

Go change your name at city hall. Call yourself: BLACKWOOD'S MAGIC MAN BOOK.

Sincerely (and enslavedly),

BM

Unfortunate initials, I know.

004 - Blackwood & Polly; "M.C. Barbeque"

ONE DAY, BLACKWOOD ARRIVES HOME TO FIND THAT NILLER ICE, HIS ARCH RIVAL, HAS STOPPED BY FOR A VISIT. LIKE MANY ARCH RIVALS, IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN QUESTIONABLE AS TO WHETHER OR NOT NILLER IS AWARE THAT BLACKWOOD CONSIDERS HIM HIS ARCH RIVAL....

OUR SCENE BEGINS AS BLACKWOOD APPROACHES POLLY AND NILLER HAVING A CONVERSATION. NILLER IS IN MID-SENTENCE:

NILLER: ... and so I says, I says, nuke that kitty litter! You're an insult to the GHB! Fry it up! Your dampness disgusts me!
POLLY: (giggles sheepishly) Oh, Niller, you have such a way with words.
BLACKWOOD: (coughs)
POLLY: Oh, Blackwood! You're home early!
BLACKWOOD: Hello..... Niller.
NILLER: MC! What's hattnin yo? I'm just stoppin by with my brand new invention.
BLACKWOOD: Invention?
POLLY: It's a saying dear.
BLACKWOOD: Word. So....... Niller, what actually brings you to these parts?
NILLER: Just thought you'd want to see my new Medal. Won it at the games. I'm cookin' MC's like a pound of bacon, yo.
POLLY: Wooooow, a Medal! That's amazing. Blackwood used to win medals.
NILLER: Yeah, back when the pitch was low, and the goin was slow, right Wood-man?
BLACKWOOD: Right...... Niller.
POLLY: Lately, he has been focusing on being artistic and experimental.
NILLER: Hey - I dig that for real for real! Some day soon I'm gonna mix me up a hip-hop bagpiping record. Gonna press it on Vinyl. That will be so WHACK! Well B's, I gotta peace! This medal might erode or somethin before I can finish showin' it to all the waving girlies on standby!
POLLY: (blushes) Bye Niller, SO good of you to stop by!
BLACKWOOD: Yes, so very good.... of you. Peace out...... Niller

NILLER EXITS.

POLLY: You act like such a child whenever he's around.
BLACKWOOD: Just trying to fit in. That kid is like, stuck in the 80's.
POLLY: You're jealous of his Medal aren't you?
BLACKWOOD: Or, I suppose he could be a visionary from the 70's.
POLLY: (gives Blackwood THE EYE).
BLACKWOOD: What - Jealous? of some stupid medal?
POLLY: You are! You're jealous! Niller accomplishes something great, and all you can do is be rude to him!
BLACKWOOD: And it's not rude to oogle another man in front of me?
POLLY: I was not oogling. Niller is a friend! A friend of both of us!
BLACKWOOD: Whatever. I'm going to go play my pipes.
POLLY: Don't you DARE slam that --

DOOR SLAMS.

POLLY: ... Door...

POLLY SIGHS, THEN WALKS TO THE KITCHEN, TIES ON HER "HOME SWEET HOME" APRON, AND BEGINS PREPARING CORNISH HENS WITH WILD RICE.

003 - Blackwood & Polly; "Teach Me a Quick Lesson"

BLACKWOOD AND POLLY FINALLY PUT ASIDE THEIR DEEP PHILOSOPHICAL QUALMS AND HAVE A LESSON ON THE GREAT HIGHLAND BAGPIPE.

BLACKWOOD: What would you say to a student if he said: "Teacher, please teach me a quick lesson?"

POLLY: I would say: "Student, I will teach you. But the lesson will have no speed, only smoothness."
BLACKWOOD (SPEAKING AS STUDENT): But teacher, surely our lesson must last a certain period of time?
POLLY: Remember, student: Lessons do not begin and end with the beginning and the end of a "lesson." And, even if they did - begin and end, that is - what happened in between the beginning and the end must not be judged as a passing of time. Surely time passes, student, but the significance - the value, the essence, the harmony, the discord, the struggle, the enjoyment- is in the smoothness of the "lesson." Time, you see, will be but one of the several and infinite components of your "lesson."

BLACKWOOD: Very good, Polly. Your understanding of this - and perhaps also your lack thereof - is why you are my greatest - and perhaps my least great - student.
POLLY: Yes.... It is no doubt related to the power of our love for each other, as well.
BLACKWOOD: No doubt. So - shall we have a quick lesson?
POLLY: Certainly!
BLACKWOOD: Let's begin.

POLLY PLAYS HER PIPES. THE TUNE SHE PLAYS, AND HOW SHE PLAYS IT, IS, OF COURSE, OF NO PARTICULAR SIGNIFICANCE.

POLLY: Whew! That wasn't too bad!
BLACKWOOD: No, it wasn't!
POLLY: Thank you. Now, what must I do to improve?
BLACKWOOD: An excellent question, to which, as I'm sure you've already guessed, there is no answer.
POLLY: There is no answer - of course. There is only the pursuit of more significant questions.
BLACKWOOD: Very good. So, let me ask you what I consider to be a significant question, which hopefully can spark even more questions of your own.
POLLY: Ok, that sounds like a good plan - though how atypical that my "teacher" should be the one to do the questioning?
BLACKWOOD: I'll ask again - what is the difference between a teacher and student?
POLLY: Is that what you wanted to ask me?
BLACKWOOD: No.
POLLY: Then, shut up with your nonsense and focus. Ask the real question.
BLACKWOOD: Ok - the "real" question: First let me preface by saying - you certainly played all of the notes in the right sequence, without any major mistakes. But, if I may, what were you trying to do with this tune rhythmically?
POLLY: Rhythmically? Is that even a word?
BLACKWOOD: Well... It passed the Google spell-check....
POLLY: Oh. Well, I suppose I have never thought that much about rhythm. I was just trying to get the notes right first. Then, hopefully put in some expression.
BLACKWOOD: Expression? Like, happy and sad expression?
POLLY: No! Like, bagpiping expression. You know, holding and cutting and stuff.
BLACKWOOD: Oh, ok. Which brings me back to my question: What were you trying to do rhythmically?
POLLY: Do you mean to say expression and rhythm are related?
BLACKWOOD: Now, THAT is a significant question that you've raised on your own. Next lesson, let me know if it bears any fruit.
POLLY: Next lesson?
BLACKWOOD: Yes, now that you have found a new question, this lesson is over.
POLLY: Wow. That was quick!
BLACKWOOD: And how!

002 - Blackwood & Polly; "Cleanliness is to Godliness as Loyaly is to Royalty"

SOME TIME LATER, WHEN POLLY WAS PERHAPS MORE CALM, AND BLACKWOOD WAS PERHAPS MORE DOWN-TO-EARTH, YET ANOTHER CONVERSATION WAS HAD, INSPIRED ENTIRELY BY THE FIGHT THAT FATEFUL MORNING.

POLLY: I should have realized you'd think of piping first, above all else.
BLACKWOOD: I should have realized it was remotely possible that you wouldn't. You are, after all, my pupil; not yet a fellow master.
POLLY: Surely not yet.
BLACKWOOD: Yes......surely.......
POLLY: But you love me, right? You are loyal to me, through thick and thin.
BLACKWOOD: Yes, I love you, whether your gracenotes are too thick or too thin.
POLLY: UGH!
BLACKWOOD: Relax woman! I am only teasing. But, I do think, the true question is not in the fact that one is loyal to another, but in exploring why one is loyal to another.
POLLY: Here we go.....
BLACKWOOD: Seriously now, let me ask you: Why are YOU loyal to ME?
POLLY: As a student, or a lover?
BLACKWOOD: Is there a difference?
POLLY: Oh God. Forget it.
BLACKWOOD: HaHaHaHa! JUST teasing! So?
POLLY: I am loyal to you because you invest yourself fully in me. You may not always know my needs, but you constantly search to see them. MY failures, in turn, are your failures. If I wanted to leave, you would let me leave. Which I suppose, in turn, is why I have never been tempted to leave. When you get angry at me, I may also get angry, but it is a safe, healthy anger. There is no risk that the frustrations will cause an end. Instead, all of our collective actions, because of our loyalty to each other, can only fuel our progress. Because you have never once put your own desires ahead of mine, because you understand that any successes I have are also your successes; because you see that amidst our excessive differences there is a vast, vast, sameness between us that must be acknowledged -- THAT is why I am loyal to you.
BLACKWOOD: ....Yes, it is in why loyalty exists that we can begin to explore its true significance.
POLLY: Indeed my love, Indeed.


BLACKWOOD: So -- Now, tell me why you are loyal to me as a lover.
POLLY: UUUUUUGH!!!
BLACKWOOD: HaHaHaHa! JUST teasing!

001 - Blackwood & Polly; "What are we talking about?"

ONE AFTERNOON, BLACKWOOD MCCAIN SAT DOWN WITH POLLY PENKO, HIS TRUE LOVE, TO RESOLVE AN ARGUMENT THEY HAD THAT MORNING.

--- This morning ---
POLLY: You were SO good last night.
BLACKWOOD: Thanks. You weren't so bad yourself.
POLLY: Well.... I wasn't as good as I should have been. I was very tired, and was having trouble focusing.
BLACKWOOD: There were elements of your performance that could have used improvement, but all in all, what is there really to complain about?
POLLY: So, wait - what are you saying?
BLACKWOOD: I...uh...what do you mean what am I saying?
POLLY: You're saying my performance left "nothing to COMPLAIN about?" Gee, THANKS.
BLACKWOOD: That's not what I'm saying. You were AMAZING - I mean, if your heart is in the right place, the result doesn't really matter. I loved every second of it.
POLLY: YOU are such a JERK!
---

BLACKWOOD: Listen Polly, I want to apologize for what happened this morning. I didn't realize you were so sensitive about your light music.
POLLY: What are you talking about?
BLACKWOOD: I'm talking about earlier; I criticized your light music playing, and I should have been more supportive. I'm sorry.
POLLY: Wait... you were talking about my BAGPIPING performance?
BLACKWOOD: What else would I be talking about?
POLLY: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!

END OF SCENE.

Podcast 4/7/2009: Mr. Jack

Here is a recording of Andrew Douglas and Andrew Carroll from 2004. Recorded in the basement!

To Listen to this episode of the CNaturalMusic podcast right here, use the player below. To subscribe to this podcast on ITunes, Click this link [coming soon]!

Podcast 4/7/2009: Mr. Jack

Podcast 4/7/2009: Test

This is a podcast test! Andrew playing a Galician Jig!

To Listen to this episode of the CNaturalMusic podcast right here, use the player below. To subscribe to this podcast on ITunes, Click this link [coming soon]!

Podcast 4/7/2009: Test